Far From Home
by Shade the Raven
Summary: What seperates a Rogue from all other pilots, talent or luck? Sadly, one of these is finite, so there comes a time when every Rogue has to pay his dues. For him, that debt is more than he remembered and deeper than space itself.


**This was written out of a mad need to write a scene like this, and its a first attempt in the SW universe, so heres hoping I did okay. **

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_**Far From Home**_

By Shade the Raven

Light. It was so strong that he could almost taste it as it glared down onto him in every direction. Which was only the start of his discomfort as he groaned to shield his vision. "What the… what's going on….?" was the best he could mutter as he stood. Even inside his mind, it was just as void. He couldn't remember where he was last, what he was doing, or how he ended up here half-blinded. The only thing in his possession at the moment was the bright orange jumpsuit and white life-support module strapped to his sternum, but to him, they were just as comfortable as any casual robe.

"Least I'm not naked" he muttered to himself as he stood. Straightening out his flight suit, he immediately noticed one obvious piece of him was missing; his helmet _This must be one hell of a trance, all it's missing is a singing Wookiee and maybe a few dancing Ewoks…_ he thought with a grin. He never liked being in the dark, which was ironic right about now. If he had to guess, this was all just a weird dream brought on by some cheap ale and thoughts of Wes Janson's past antics. Still, as he reflected on it, Wedge Antilles had to admit that this was a stretch to end all stretches. Mainly since he couldn't remember the last time he had been drunk enough to conjure something like _this!_

It was then that he heard them, almost like the whispers of an ocean wave. One by one, they approached, what sounded like bootsteps. Not armored like a stormtrooper or light like someone sneaking, it was almost like a casual stroll. Instantly, Wedge's hand dove towards his beltline for his blaster, only to find he wasn't wearing it. _Course not… that would just be too easy…_ he frowned. Like this, the ace of ace pilots had no cover to seek or terrain to defend. Though as the source of the footsteps finally appeared, none of that mattered anymore. In fact, it was as if time had reversed and driven back decades, for the man that appeared out of the void was someone Wedge had not seen since his death. And that fact alone was enough to make his knees buckle and voice crack "Impossible… it cant be…! You're…."

"Hello Wedge. You're looking well, as strong and resilient as I remember. Though it breaks my heart to see you here so young."

"F…fa…father?!" Wedge squeaked out as the shadow resolved into the familiar shape of Jagged Antilles. And just as a good father would, the figure embraced his son in a firm hug. A hug that Wedge knew could not be real, but one he could not help but return "I don't understand… how is this possible? You and mom… you're dead."

Jagged sighed and released him, backing away a few steps "As are you, my dearest son. I'm sorry."

_Another day in this carnival of souls  
Another nights sands end as quickly as it goes  
The memories are shadows ink on the page  
And I can't seem to find my way home  
_

He'd never thought he'd hear that sentence. He'd written it a dozen times over in letters to family he would never meet about the heroic deeds the pilots under his command had performed that most others would never see. So now here he was, Wedge Antilles, finally seeing the other side of the page. No words could form in his throat as he collapsed onto his knees. Inside, his mind was trying to think of any possible coercion, persuasion or deception that would account for this. He was hoping and praying to any deity that this wasn't real. But no signs came to prove otherwise, no feeling that he would suddenly awaken to a massive hangover. Just emptiness and a somehow grudging feeling that this was indeed the moment every Rouge had to accept was right around the corner. "How… how did…"

Above them, the panorama projected from nothingness onto nothingness. It was a scene he'd seen a thousand times before, played a part in a thousand times before. Across the projection flashed an X-wing, one that Wedge easily recognized as his own thanks to the tell-tale shape and color of his astromech droid Gate riding shotgun, screaming into a head-to-head pass with a TIE Defender. The triple-winged Imp fighter detonated into a fireball as the Rebel fighter pulled into a tight loop, in pursuit of another pair of Defenders. One of them made a fatal mistake and broke off from its wingman, allowing the X-wing to close for the kill. Once the Imp flyer realized its mistake, it turned back as hard as it could to cover its comrade. The X-wing saw the maneuver coming and banked to catch both with one sweep.

Unfortunately for the Rebel fighter, it's turn brought it's s-foils right into the path of a seemingly blind TIE Fighter, which collided with the X-wing at full speed. The shields around the ship absorbed most of the TIE's force and explosion, but not before pushing it out of line and into the speeding Defender, which slammed into the nose of the larger fighter at it's top speed. Both fighters exploded and the vaporous scene before them dissipated into the air. "Most pilots like you go down in the blaze of glory, but this… this was just luck finally calling in your tab" Jagged announced. Wedge simply had no response but to stare into the lost scene in pained awe.

_  
And it's almost like  
Your heaven's trying everything  
Your heaven's trying everything  
To keep me out  
_

As the light dulled into an illuminating darkness, Wedge found himself surrounded by thousands upon thousands of pinpricks of light. Daunting it was a first, curiosity finally got the best of the snubfighter jock, so he reached out to touch one. The moment he did, it shimmered brighter to reveal a familiar face, the face of a pilot he'd known only briefly before his death among Rogue Squadron "Shiel? Shiel, is that really you?"

The Shistavanen nodded with his classic canine grin and all around the scene, every flicker resolved themselves into a face from his life. Some, Wedge had not seen in what felt like eternity, others felt like he was just speaking to them yesterday, whenever that was. "Dak… Kether… Dllr…Tal'diria… are they?"

"These are but the memories you have of those close to you. Some of them obviously stronger than others, including me" answered the figure of Jagged.

_  
All the places I've been and things I've seen  
A million stories that made up a million shattered dreams  
The faces of people I'll never see again  
And I can't seem to find my way home  
_

Then came the chorus of voices, hundreds of them all speaking out of turn. It was overwhelming to his senses, causing Wedge to buckle and collapse to his hands and knees. But as soon as the first voice came into focus, the real punch to the gut hit him. "You know, I always thought you were cute. Even if you didn't smile as much as you should…"

"M…Mala…" came the only sentence Wedge could conjure.

And then he could see her almost clearly, like looking though a shaded window. He could see those dark brown eyes of hers that had been lost in time, that smile she had worn just for him on the rare occasions they were ever alone._ How long has it been since Gus Talon? How long has it been since you died?!_

"You always said you'd fly like the wind for me" she nodded to him. "But I know there were more people depending on you than that, which is why I knew you'd fly faster and higher than even the wind could chase. Maybe… that's why I loved you…."

With that, the first woman Wedge Antilles had ever thought to love faded back into memory, only to be replaced with a giant of a man that bore a bright red mechanical eye "I never thought I'd live to see the day. Wedge Antilles, spacebrat turned bad smuggler and mechanic turned Hero of the Alliance and Conqueror of Coursant. Mirax was right, I guess I underestimated you after all. But let it never be said that Booster Terrik won't admit his mistakes. Especially when they work out in his favor."

Wedge had to smile at that, downcast as it was_ Always the proud man, eh Booster?_

"Still, I know that revenge can be a powerful tool. I saw that glimmer in your eyes when you borrowed the Headhunter. But I knew nothing would stop you, I just hoped that you would not dive into such a black pool and never come out again. Something I kept hoping for as you grew up into the most fearsome thing at the stick of an X-wing. At least with that much, I was right…" Booster continued as he too faded back into memory as Wedge watched the scene play out before him. He could feel the tears of anger and sadness wash over him through the goggles over his eyes as he flew the older starfighter with natural precision. Ruthlessly, his lasers tore into the freighter that had blasted out of his family's station, his _home, _and caused its destruction. If it meant his life, the teenage Wedge would ensure that these bastard criminals would never harm anyone again.

__

Cause it's almost like  
Your heaven's trying everything to break me down  
Cause it's almost like  
Your heaven's trying everything to keep me out

"The past was what shaped you into the man you became, but more than that, it shaped you into a man who would become a symbol unto himself" Jagged continued as Wedge stared helplessly into the emptiness above him as the clipshow that was his life continued with a man that he'd regarded as the closest person he ever had to a brother. "You know, when I first defected to the Rebellion, I had my share of doubts. After all, it was in their hunt for you that the Empire destroyed Alderaan" came the words of the ever-regal Tycho Celchu. "But looking back at it, that gave us something in common. Both of us lost our homes, our families and most everyone we held dear. And so we wound up here, fighting for that one cause left that made us human. We've flown through battles deemed hopeless and lost those valued as priceless, but we always came through. So don't you dare give up now."

"Yub yub Commander!" another voice called out from the dark, bight and cheerful as it always was. "You know, I never thought this day would come. I mean, I didn't think you _could_ die! Maybe get old, sure. But I figure they would just put you on display somewhere like a backup. 'In case of emergency, Imperial warlord or lack of speech; break open glass'." Through his words, the smiling face of the eternal prankster, Wes Janson pierced his clouded thoughts. "Now come on, Wedge. Don't give in now. I've still have to get you back for that time with the Wraiths…"

Then came another voice, dour and low like it always was "I cant believe it. I've crashed how many fighters, been shot how many times, and you get taken down by an idiot who cant steer?" The cynicism of Derek 'Hobbie' Klivian was harsh, but there was no denying the facts it seemed. "I mean dammit Wedge! How many times have you had to watch over me or Wes or even Luke whenever we came up against something we couldn't beat? And _this_ is how we lose you?! I just wont believe it!"

_  
Cause it's almost like  
Your heaven's trying everything to break me down  
Cause it's almost like  
Your heaven's trying everything  
Your heaven's trying everything to break me down  
To break me down  
To break me down  
_

And then Wedge heard it. That one voice that could shatter a planet right now, and he heard it clearer than any of the others put together, and it took every ounce of will to crunch back the tears in his eyes "Wedge… please… don't go! I can't lose you!"

"Iella…" he choked out, reaching out to touch the face of his beloved wife. He didn't care of everything else was an illusion or not, he just wanted to reach out and touch his beloved wife once more.

"I've already lost one husband to the Empire, I won't lose you too…" Even if a memory or distortion, watching her cry made Wedge's gut wrench every which way "I know you're better than this. You're too good at what you do to die like this. Not just at flying an X-wing, but you were _always_ there. Never judging, never afraid to tap into those darker or sensitive sides we need to face to move on. Whenever me or any of us needed a steady hand, we could count on you. And we still need you. _I_ need you. So please, my love, please come back to me…"

_  
Your heaven's trying everything  
Your heaven's trying everything to break me down_

One by one, the lights faded away until only one remained, seemingly the farthest one away. Not that it mattered right now, for he could not move. For all the close calls and lucky breaks he'd been given, the full weight of it all had finally hit Wedge. His hands were shaking, though he could not feel them, the tell-tale trail of tears had worked their way down his cheek, but he could not taste them. The greatest of great pilots now sat in darkness, staring at the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. _Was this what it was like for all the others? Did I lead them all to this same… nightmare?_

"It's time, my son." Jagged finally announced.

"Time? Time for what?" came the quiet reply.

"Like the old bedtime stories and wild rantings say, you've just seen your life flash before your eyes. There's nothing left to see in this life. It's time to head to the next one, where so many old faces await."

As much as he didn't want to accept it, Wedge somehow knew that even if all this was inside his head, this shadow of his father had a cold truth to it. Which meant that it was accurate to guess that sooner or later, every pilot to bear the name of a Rogue would pass through a vision like this. Would he just be another face to them? Just another monument in a long, messy history of death?

"No."

"No?" Jagged repeated, somewhat confused.

"No, this cant be right. I… I'm not dead yet! I'm not going down that path!" Wedge was standing now, pain and numbness aside. "If this is what I'm to see when I die, then I intend for the show to run a lot longer than this. So, I'm going back to the land of the living. But I will admit, this whole thing has taught me a few things."

"Oh? And what's that?"

"That maybe I've forgotten a few things, a few faces I shouldn't have. That I wouldn't be who I am today if not for everything that the galaxy has thrown at us all. And most importantly, that I cant be done yet."

Jagged studied his son and smiled "Still as stubborn as ever. Your mother would be proud indeed."

Wedge had to chuckle at that, then was surprised to see his father jerk his head upwards and grin wider "Guess your choice is shared by a few others. Just keep in mind that we're always watching over you. So please, never forget that. And try to be more careful, okay?"

"I will father. Thank you." And as the scene melted into the void, Jagged and Wedge embraced once more, ignoring the unusual nature of the moment and just taking it in for what it was.

* * *

Light. It was all he could see, as it tinted everything an odd shade of pink. Slowly, the fog started to clear from his brain as he tried to make sure everything was still intact. Sure enough, everything was accounted for, though as he looked down, he noticed some of the skin across his ribs and abs was quite a bit lighter in complexion than the rest of him _Guess I picked that up from the crash…_

Above him, something energetic knocked on the lid of the tank, signaling him upwards into the dry air. And as soon as his torso was breathing free air, two strong arms enfolded him in a crushing hug and brownish-blonde hair entangled his cheek. He could feel her shuddering into his shoulder, either with a laugh or a happy cry, but it only served to make Wedge squeeze Iella even tighter to him. In fact, if it weren't for the odd feeling of three other pairs of eyes staring at him, he would have simply stayed in this moment forever. Though before he could open his mouth, his wife moved to silence his lips with hers. Wedge knew he probably tasted like bacta, but she did not seem to care. To him, she tasted like every single delicious flavor of life all smashed into one and crashing into him.

Finally, the kiss was broken as Iella cradled his face in her hands, trying to look mad but smiling too much to make it stick "Do you have _any_ idea how worried I was about you?"

"Oh, I think I can imagine. I'm surprised this bay is still in one piece" he replied with, which made her choke out another chuckle and hug him close again.

"If you think she was bad, you should've seen Tycho, he was practically tearing his hair out. If you go, it means he takes your spot and Wes takes command of the Rogues" Hobbie added from where the other pilots had gathered in front of the tank.

"Well, it was either me or Gavin. Let's face it Hobbs, you don't talk enough to be a squadron leader" Janson couldn't help but add.

"The rest of the Rogues would probably resign if either of you two had to run the show" Celchu topped off, reaching out to shake Wedge's hand "Good to have you back boss. Never do that again."

Antilles grinned "Somehow, I don't think I'd survive the lecture."

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**Close call, eh? Even the best of the best have them. But maybe some are just too good or too lucky to die. Such is the fate of the greatest Rogue.**

**Reviews welcome**


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